About what?

I see you have scraped off your nail polish
I too have scraped off my nail polish

I miss the mornings where Anne and I would sing Beatles

French is such a mushy language. It makes you pucker your lips like you want a kiss.

Dirty holy jeans.

You make tuna salad the night before so you have a lunch the next morning and refrain from snacking on the last of the Eggo waffles so you have a breakfast as well. But the next day, there's nothing left. My family keeps me thin.

Philosophy is birdshit on the statue of a horse and rider. The pigeons think the know it all and have a right, but they know nothing of cold copper in the middle of a traffic circle past witching hour. They only know their own warm feathers and what is beneath them. A copper statue knows only the elements and of bird philosophy. Which is shit.

There is a big difference between knowing and realizing.

Another time? There is no time after this, there's only time now.

He's seeing a girl in Seattle.

Ghetto tea: After scratching out the crap out from the bottom of a borrowed mug, fill it up with water from a school fountain and nuke it in a dirty microwave. Then dunk in the tea bag that you brought in your back pocket from home. Enjoy with stale, stolen chips ahoy cookies.

They are real, they are fun, they are thoughtful, they are insane, they are legitimate. They know pain, they know about separation, sibling rivalry, drugs, alcohol, love, apathy, problems, crushes, sex, regret, writing letters and not sending them, frustration, stupidity, knowing which email to send, music, issues, family screw ups, the good love of an animal, depression, medication, life, suicide, paranoia, fear, loneliness, partying, chocolate chip pancakes, scary movies, anime, pop music, piano.

These are the people that know how to live. We know we are complicated, but we do not dwell on it, we are not confusing. We know we are hiding and that we suffer from it, but we do not make our problems different from anyone else's. We are not the best students, we are not the most talented, we have never won, we don't always speak or act intelligently, and we do not always give %100. But we know how to take a break, how to laugh, and how to non-chalantly slap each other on the ass. Love those bones.

I find I like to keep myself socially stratified, I like being comfortable in many groups of people, it's not hard for me. But I've spent forever still trying to find my exact niche, my person, if you will. There are few people who enjoy being socially stratified, they're hard to find, and are usually rather flakey :) . Unfortunately, I don't think I've ever considered my section as deep as should have. I suppose I took it for granted. This section that always made me laugh, I could always depend on for a smile, and that I really cared for. I never really thought about opening up to them in return. There were other's who I wanted to receive all of me, I don't know if it's an egotistical thing or not, but, I didn't feel my section could take it or understand or simply keep quiet. I like being in many circles, not for the popularity, but for the sake of knowing so many different people, I like people! I like helping, being involved... mostly, but I only really want to depend on one person in return, only one to know all of me, I don't want to spread myself out.
After tonight of just riding and around and talking after the show. I don't know anyone as real as them. I still don't know how much I would open up to, but, I won't have to plan that, it's not always necessary. We can just have fun.

They are smart, but that is not their life, they have felt pain, but they are not so outwardly steeped in it. They are very very real people. Mature people. We are teenagers, we do ride around with the music too loud, singing at the top of our lungs and the windows open, even though it was freaking cold, and I did surreptitiously edit the lewd things they drew into the frost of Matt's car. But we are not mean, and we are not bad.
We are real like no one else, we cover all ends of the spectrum, and you're not going to be able to find anyone who has more fun :) . Enough fun to make me forget even.

...Last show tonight, and the coldest one I will ever remember at that. My toes were so cold that I thought I was breaking them back-stepping, but I wouldn't just because I wasn't able to FEEL them! Tulkoff was there! It's funny talking speaking to someone at a football game, the conversation went something like this at the end:
Tulkoff: "...I should find of some those- NO! GO! GO! GOOO! YES!" Absolutely no hesitation from the slip of private conversation to extraordinarily loud yelling at the game. Hee hee.

I will miss marching band and all it's pointless glory. One more competition tomorrow, then that's it.... no more study halls >.< But there will definitely be more Double T, Fatal Frame on the big screen, therapy in parking lots and just generally more bone-o-rama.

My dream is to conduct this
gold.
Rise from the dark
rise from the swell to a golden
dawn
the sweet oboe the delicate oboe
this love
and hold the air until it falls
back back back
into the chasm
into the mountains
let these caverns of the soul
ring with
the silver light of
horns
and hums with the strength
of a beating heart
This glorious green sound
that breathes
cool and dark
I could open my mouth
and swallow it like a liquid
and sing
all at the same time
it could pour from my center
I want to make it reverberate in you
so that you stop thinking
and only breathe and live
of this golden light
beating gentle
the heart of a tawny beast
that fades soft
fades soft
soft
this perfection
of air
Breathe

Of work, what else. I don't know what has made this week so hard all of a sudden. I have decided that this balloon does indeed have a brain, excuse me.
Let's run by my DADA poem

What?
r u
looking
4?
In this
pinkinkmess
there's nothing here
paperthin deep
thesauri dinosaur
o' words in pinkink
and featherstuffs
wat?
do u
expe
ctoo
find? Hm?
It's paperthin deep!
Une histoire d'amour, d'amitié?
de colère?
Non, c'est rien
mais
vous vous demandez
"Français? Pourquoi?"
C'est rien, c'est
trois
fois
rien
...then again
i am the girl
who fell
in lo
ve with a
rock.

And I suppose I have to continue this letter writing.

Dear Whoever the Hell you Are,
I decided to change your name from "Me" to what you see there, just because it sounds a little egotistical otherwise. I am sure you won't mind though, seeing that you never really established who you were to begin with. Tomorrow, you will probably be an acronym.
Much Love,
Whatever